look how they shine for you

it gets worse and worse and worse. with sighting, i realise my chances grow slimmer and slimmer. there she is in all her radiant, exquisite beauty and here i am in the farthest reaches of her universe. insignificant. i'd even go so far as to say i don't feature half as prominently in her life as she does in mine. damn straight. she is the only person i know who can send tingles racing through my spine, make my heart race and make me break out in hot flashes all at the same time. whenever i may be so fortunate as to catch a glimpse of her, even a fleeting one, i get this sense of unbridled elation. i plead for that passing moment to remain; perfect forever, frozen in time. she is my escape. my private indulgance. even if she does not know it.

sometimes i wonder if she's like me in any way. does she find herself singing along to love songs on the radio despite not wanting to like me? does she like the stillness in the air after it stops raining? or find herself on the verge of tears whenever there is a major catastrophe and the telly's showing mothers pleading to the camera for their lost husbands/childern? what's her single biggest fear? has she ever had her heart broken? i don't know. but god, what wouldn't i give to find out.

in my heart there is an immense longing for her; to get to know her better and for her to get to know me. there hasn't ever been any naughty thoughts of her and god forbid it should ever taint my mind. as steadily as my feelings for her blossom, a certain sense of resignation slowly dawns upon me. i know that no matter how far i reach she will always be beyond my grasp. it feels like i'm at the receiving end of some cosmic joke. i wish things could be different. that maybe i could somehow chuck my feelings aside and keep them well hidden in a drawer and never have them plague me again. that she somehow shatter my heart and cure me of this ridiculous obsession. that it just ends. and i can move on.

and when she walks
all the wind blows
and the angels sing
but she doesn't notice me